Life and Loss
by nervous.emo.corner
Summary: Esme was always the girl who watched other people get their dreams and fantasies. But as Esme grew older things changed. In more ways then one.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: We do not own Twilight.  
This fanfic is brought to you by Meganthy **

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Dearest Diary,

I sit here now, I feel confused and alone. I watch Carlisle and the son-Edward. And I can't help but feel gratification. I admire Carlisle to such an extreme that it hurts. I owe him my life.  
I remember that day, when I was twelve. I remember the day that I first saw Carlisle Cullen.

I watched my skirt fly up around me, watching my legs twirl and twirl around.  
I hated dance practise. I hated the stupid ball. I hated the stupid skirt.

I sat down in the corner, watching the other girls twirl, spin and prance around the hall. Their perfect skirt's falling gracefully around their long legs. I didn't belong here. I looked out the door-way onto the grass beyond. I belonged outside. I wanted to walk around with girls my age; I wanted to fit in with people _my _age. I didn't want to be in this ridiculous dance studio, always behind the other girls.  
These people had the graceful bodies for dancing; they were also four or so years older than me. The costume looked fully inappropriate on me. It wasn't made for me.

I sat there, watching everybody have fun, becoming professionals in front of my eyes.  
Every Thursday I spent two hours sitting and watching them. Did they even know I existed? Did they even care?

I sighed. It was officially over and I was allowed to leave.  
I stood and packed my too-tight shoes into my satchel; waiting for the last girl's to leave. They all had big, rich houses to go home to. I would be returning to the farm.

I looked at the ground when I walked, my laces were done up and the hem of my skirt was neat. My mother took pride in the fact that I was so well kempt. I prided myself on that too. As I neared the gate I looked once up at the sky. I spread my arms out and twirled in the early winter warmth. It was an unusual day, not a cloud in the sky. I breathed deeply in the fresh air. I loved being outdoors. I loved helping mother in the garden, watching flowers sprout out of earth that I had kept. Watching vegetables grow out of seeds that I had planted.  
I wanted to make a difference in this world.

I rushed up the last few stairs, eager to drop my bag and bask in the last hours of sunlight. I saw my mother's figure in the kitchen, preparing dinner for my father and older brother. They would be home late tonight as on Thursday's they worked late.  
When my brother was my age he worked on the farm, in fact he practically ran it. Then when he was fourteen he was involved in a terrible accident when some machinery fell onto him, he lost the movement's in the lower half of his body and now he work's in the bank with my father-it's up to mother to watch the farm. They don't let me help, not after what happened to Robert. They don't trust me.  
I sighed and slipped off my shoes, making my way to the kitchen. I grabbed the potato peeler and began to help out with dinner. My blissful afternoon was already ruined.  
My mother-Clarisse, looked side-ways at me. "How was dancing?" She asked.  
"Good." I replied. I would never admit my hate for dancing; it would be so unfair on my parents who had high expectations of me.

The ball was being held on Saturday, it wasn't uncommon for a ball to be on. It also wasn't uncommon for my parents to be invited, as they were well respected citizens. It was uncommon, however, for me to be able to go.  
Not that I wanted to go. Balls involved pretty dresses, people getting dressed up, and dancing.  
I loved pretty dresses; I loved special events and all that. I admired people who could dance. It's just none of that was for me. I wasn't a fairy princess; I was a farm girl with mousy brown hair.  
Nobody noticed me. I was the daughter of Charles and Clarisse. Sometimes I think my family was disappointed in me. And for that sole reason, I signed up for dance class. Thinking magically I would be transformed in time for the ball.  
I wasn't magically transformed. Not in time for the ball.  
I didn't think I'd ever be magically transformed.  
I'll never be one of the pretty ladies who sits back and watches-lets people do everything for them. I was a girl who did things for other people.  
And maybe that's something to be proud of. Or maybe it's not. I don't know.

I finished preparing the vegetables for the evening meal, I glanced out the window, it was darkening and I wouldn't be allowed outside. I thought of an excuse.  
"Mother?"

"Yes dear?" She replied.

"I'm just going to go and check on the horses and fill their water."

I hurried out of the room before she could answer; we both knew that my father had refilled it only earlier this day.

I grabbed my best coat; it would surely be cold out now.  
I was proud of this coat, it was thin and easy to move in-yet it held a lot of warmth. I pulled my boats on. I laughed at the reflection.

I pulled the door firmly shut behind me, heading for the stables. I checked the water just for good measure. It was almost full.  
I walked around to the back; my eye's catching on the wooden pole. Every afternoon for the past three months I had been trying to get onto the roof. All I needed to do was climb that pole and reach onto the sheets of roofing. Easy yet impossible, but with my trusted lucky coat, I felt today was the day.  
I snuck around to the back, checking that nobody was watching. Then I reached one hand up and grabbed the wood, it felt very strong. I pulled myself up with both of my arms. Heaving and grunting in the process. I pulled my legs up and left them on metal sheeting, propelling myself higher. The roof was in sight, I only needed five centimetres and I was there. I reached up, my fingers out stretched. Nearly. Almost.  
Suddenly the roofing came loose, toppling down on the ground, my legs swang free. I screamed, supporting my full weight with only my arms. Suddenly the wooden pole didn't seem so sturdy.  
My eyes opened wide in horror when I felt it swaying, before it too cracked to the ground. I squeezed my eyes shut, my heart pounding in my ears. A sharp pain was shooting up my arm, I tried to roll over but couldn't. I opened my eyes and saw the big pole on my arm. Every time I tried to pull my arm from underneath it a sharp pain ran all through my body, making tears sprout to my eyes.  
"Help!" I yelled feebly. Scared of what my parent's would say when they found me.  
I was at the nearest stable to the house, thinking mother would have heard the crash the metal, wood and my body made when it hit the ground.  
I wasn't mistaken. I heard the pounding of feet on the dirt, my mother's eyes wide and frantic-searching.  
"Esme!" She screamed when she saw me.  
"Mum." I choked back. Tears clouding my vision.

My father was called home; he was the one who moved the timber off my arm. I was horrified when I saw my twisted arm. Blood had seeped through onto my lucky coat. It was ruined.  
I was taken to the nearest hospital. Normally we didn't like to go the doctors, it was expensive. But what ever my mother couldn't fix was classified serious enough for proper medical attention.  
I remember half walking, half being carried into the small room. Lot's of nurses came to see me, but I was diagnosed with only a broken arm.

A doctor came into the room. He was beautiful.  
I remember even in my twelve year old eyes I had never seen anybody so handsome.  
His face was angelic, blonde-white hair framed his face. His smile was gentle, full of care and worry.  
I knew that in his hands I would be safe.

He smiled at me, the gesture reaching his big golden eyes. He placed some pills on the table, checked my hospital charts and then said "You are a very beautiful young girl and that arm should heal in no time." His voice was like music. A lullaby. It tinkled and charmed.  
He left the room after that. I never found out his name.

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_Written by me. Beckaroni. –sighs- but if you stay tuned I guarantee very epic chaps indeed.  
Our first group story. Fingers crossed –secretly hopes she hasn't stuffed it already.- Thanks for reading and if you review you WILL receive some free novelty pencils –the patterned kind.  
Becky, Sam, Meagan-order of who's writing XD  
Sam's profile: i_love_the_emo_corner ( . instead of _ ) _

_Meagan's profile: meagan_the_emo_kid ( . instead of _ ) _

_My profile: _Nervous_Laugh_ ( . instead of _ ) _

_Review please.  
_


	2. Chapter 2

**5 Years Later **

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"Esme?" I rolled over; opening one eye to see who it was that woke me from my peaceful sleep. Mother.

"What?" I was never kind first thing in the morning, and I had forgotten what was happening today. My marriage.

"You have to get up, your getting married today, remember?" Mother was very happy about my marriage, she wanted grandchildren very badly. "And Grace is here to get you ready."

"Oh yeah." I rolled out of bed and trudged along the hallway to the kitchen.

In front of my seat was a bowl, rolled oats, no doubt. I sat down and I was right. I took one bite and spat it back out. _Cold _rolled oats, great. I ate the food, hating every bite and wondering why I didn't wake up earlier. Once I finished, I placed my bowl in the sink before going into the sitting room to see Grace. She was sitting on the arm of a lounge and staring at the picture of my family. She was always looking at it. Maybe it was because she wanted a family like ours, hers was broken. Her mother and two brothers left her father and her 3 years ago on Christmas morning.

"Esme!" Grace called as she noticed me in the room, "You're finally up! I've been waiting here for ages. Now to the bathroom with you." She got up and pushed me down the hall and into the bathroom.

"You're going to shower and put this on." Grace handed me a bunch of clothing, I knew what none of it was.

I showered and put on the items of clothing, once I knew what they were. I walked to my bedroom and opened the door to find cosmetics on the desk in my bedroom.

"What's all this stuff?" I asked, I hadn't really ever worn any makeup, I was told it ruined my skin and I didn't need it by my mother, so I was hesitant using these products.

"This is makeup. You will be wearing some today," Grace told me matter-of-factly.

"Okay?" I said, unsure of what I should have said.

"Sit in that chair and don't move." She told me, so I sat and closed my eyes, listening to the soft breathing of my best and only friend.

10 minutes later and I was told to look in the mirror. I looked and saw someone I did not recognise. She had on red lipstick and blush. She looked very beautiful and nothing like me. Her hair was out and it sat on this girls shoulders, like it was glued there.

"Grace! Wow! Who knew you could do this? Wow. Thankyou so much." I was amazed. Beyond amazed. There was no word to describe how I felt.

"Thanks, Esme," she walked to the bed and picked up a beautiful white gown.

The gown was long and fell to the ground in a perfect circle. It has on the back an enormous train on the end. On the skirt were some small white pearls in a wave pattern. It was sleeveless, but my mother must have approved as it was her and Grace who bought it.

"Grace, Thankyou, Its amazing. I love you so much." I was in awe, I instantly loved it.

She opened the zip before sliding it over my head and pulling it into place and doing it up again.

The dress fit perfectly, i couldn't believe it. I wasn't allowed anywhere near the shops and they bought the right size and everything.

I turned around to talk to Grace but she was gone. I sat on my messily made bed and waited for her. She came back not 2 minutes later with something white in her hand.

"Esme, you know that saying- something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue?" she asked coming closer to me.

"Yeah, what about it?" I asked.

"Well you need that. I have this"- she held up a veil, it was very beautiful and very long -" Its borrowed, your dress is new, one of your under-garments are blue and something old. That's tough. I'll be back in a couple of seconds," Grace told me as she left the room, going left, where my parent's room was.

Not a minute later and she was back, carrying a jewellery box of some sort. "What's that?"

"This was your great grandmother's favourite necklace. And you are wearing it today and every other day of your life." Grace opened the box to show me what the object was. I leaned closer to get a good look.

It was the most beautiful necklace I had ever seen. Very simple, pearls separated by about an inch of silver chain, at the part where would fall over my collar bone was a large pearl. It was beautiful and I was much honored to get my great grandmothers necklace. Grace took it out of the box and placed it around my neck.

"Perfect." I was speechless. That was the only word I managed to utter, staring at the priceless pearls.

We walked out of my room and into the lounge where my mother was waiting. I stepped around the corner only to see my mother in her beautiful outfit and my cousin, Felicity. Felicity was my other bridesmaid; she was wearing a pale pink gown that fell to the floor with her hair tied back in a loose bun.

"I have to get changed. Felicity, could you put on Esme's veil please?" Grace asked, handing the veil to Felicity. Grace walked out of the room.

"Esme. You look wonderful." Mother broke down in tears, being careful not to ruin her makeup.

Felicity started to fiddle around with my hair, placing the veil among my perfect hair. "There!" she said triumphantly, turning me around to see, "John will be absolutely speechless." She laughed.

Grace returned, in the same attire as Felicity, but with three bunches of white roses in her hands. She gave me the biggest bunch and Felicity one the same size as the one she kept for herself.

I steeped out of the carriage. The church. I was getting married. In a matter of minutes. I looked around and saw only Felicity, Grace, my Mother and my father; he had joined us 10 minutes before we left to come here.

We walked to the doors of the massive church where my father put his arm through the gap between my arm and my side, as did my mother. The large doors opened slowly, revealing everyone in the rows and rows of seats and exposing me to my future husband, who bore a huge grin the second he saw me.

He was dressed in a simple black tuxedo with a gold tie. I loved him. More than anything on this planet. If there was any doubt before, it was all completely gone now. I saw nothing but happiness in my future.

I walked down the long narrow isle, both my parents on either side of me, looking at all of our guests. I saw my grandma in the front row, accompanied by her husband and her children and grandchildren. I felt a smile stretch across my face as I got to the alter.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to celebrate the joining in holy matrimony of Esme and John." The celebrant said loudly, so everyone could hear, "If anyone objects to these two people being lawfully wedded, speak now or forever hold your peace," Noone spoke, so the celebrant continued, much to my delight," Who gives this woman to be married to this man?"

"We do," my parents answered on cue. They unwound their arms from me, kissed me on the cheek and walked back to their place in the front row next to my brother.

"John, do you take Esme for your lawful wedded wife, to live in the holy estate of matrimony? Will you take her in sickness and in health and cherish her from this day forward, forsaking all others, keeping only unto her for as long as you both shall live?"

"I do," John told me, grinning from ear to ear.

"Esme, do you take John for your lawful wedded husband, to live in the holy estate of matrimony? Will you take him in sickness and in health and cherish him from this day forward, forsaking all others, keeping only unto him for as long as you both shall live?"

"I do," I answered, tears pricking in my eyes.

"I, John Bronte, take thee, Esme Williams, to be my wedded wife from this day forward, for better and for worse, in sickness and in health to love, honour, and cherish, 'til death do us part, and thereto I plight thee my troth." John told me, sincerity in every syllable.

"I, Esme Williams, take thee, John Bronte, for better or for worse in sickness and in health to love, honour, and cherish 'til death do us part and thereto I plight thee my troth." I stated, tears running down my cheeks, ruining the makeup, much to Grace's distaste.

"May I ask the Best Man for the rings?" The celebrant asked Cameron. He handed the celebrant the rings.

"May this ring be blessed so he who gives it and she who wears it may abide in peace, and continue in love until life's end." He said and gave the ring to john to place on my finger.

"With this ring I thee wed. Wear it as a symbol of our love and commitment." John told me, sliding the cold, shiny, gold ring on my fourth finger on my left hand.

"May this ring be blessed so that she who gives it and he who wears it may abide in peace, and continue in love until life's end" I took the ring and slid it onto Johns finger saying,

"With this ring I thee wed. Wear it as a symbol of our love and commitment."

"May this couple be prepared to continue to give, be able to forgive and experience more and more joy with each passing day, with each passing year. John and Esme, are now beginning their married life together, we hope that they may have loving assistance from their family, the constant support of friends, and a long life with good health and everlasting love. In so much as John and Esme have consented to live forever together in wedlock, and have witnessed the same before this company, having given and pledged their troth, each to the other, and having declared same by the giving and receiving of a ring, I pronounce that they are husband and wife. You may now seal the promises you have made each other with a kiss."

John leant down, and gently touched my lips to his. To this, the crowd clapped.


End file.
